Wrapping up, looking ahead

1. Looking back

...The train pulled into Qingdao North Station. With a chest full of nerves and second thoughts I climbed onto the bus to school, watched the scenery slide past the window, and let my head run:

Is the canteen any good
What are the roommates like
How am I going to spend these four years
...

So much unease about the unknown, and now all of it has drifted off like a wisp of cloud against the blue sky. Because of the pandemic, these four years went unusually fast — too fast for me to learn everyone's name, too fast to say a proper goodbye to every teacher, too fast for me to even play a few games properly...

Maybe that's youth. Regret is the default state of life.

For me personally, these four years were worth it. I met a lot of great teachers and friends, and they lit a bright fire for my confused younger self. Walking through this not-too-big-not-too-small campus one last time, the eternal question keeps circling: If I could do it over, how would I spend it?

There's no answer to that question. The answer was already given over these four years.

2. Looking at now

Life is wide as the sea, mountain after mountain, and in the end none of it is that big a deal.

Yesterday a few friends and I went to bring flowers to the two teachers who helped me most. We didn't say much on the way. We all knew, without saying it, that we really were 🎓 now, and that most of us probably wouldn't see each other again. Yeah — we're all just passers-through in each other's lives. So is life.

I'm still standing on the edge of the unknown today, about to leave for a foreign country. The same question floats up in my head again, but this time something is different: now I know clearly what I need and what I should do. Maybe that's the biggest thing this short college chapter gave me.

3. Notes to myself

Be brave enough to do what you actually want to do. When you're young you shouldn't be calculating gains and losses.
The future is made of countless present moments. Do the thing in front of you well, and the future is already settled.
Lift your focus. Train it deliberately.
The world is held together with duct tape. Plenty of people aren't as impressive as you assume they are.

Alright. This is the last post written from the lab, from school. Wishing all of you a beautiful future.